Not to get all serious, but I am considered the “black sheep” of the family. I’m the only one from my siblings that has avoided getting into gangs, I graduated high school with honors, went to college, have kept a stable and long healthy relationship with my partner of 10 years. I haven’t been to prison, I don’t hit my partner or cheat, I never sold coke or heroine, and I don’t abuse my mom.
Yet as a kid when I’d remain assertive and not give into my mom or brothers ridiculous demands, I’d get an earful of “I wish I never had you, I hate you” “you should’ve just been born a bitch” “I’m not going to help you, you were born here in the states, your brothers don’t have papers they need me more” or not waking up to Christmas presents because I’m American and will be able to provide for myself when I grow up.
There’d be dozens and dozens of presents for my siblings and their kids every Christmas morning… bought by their drug money—when I’d cry every year for not having presents I’d get my collar yanked by my brothers taken to the room to get yelled at or choked.
I wasn’t allowed to even have a birthday party, because birthday parties are for girls. No one from my family showed up to my graduation for high school and college. Mom never wanted to attend parent teachers conference. Or help sign documents for scholarships.
If I wanted to hang out with friends, I had to have my mom drive me 30 minutes away for my friends parents to pick me up. God forbid they knew where we lived.
NONE of my friends knew who my family was, they would see my moms face when she’d drop me off but that’s it.
Parents would ask to speak to my mom to get to know her. And my mom would just tell me “tell them I have a headache, another day” that day would never happen.
There was only one person that almost figured it out, she was my Native American friend and said “is your family like in the Mafia? Why can’t we just pick you up from your house?” She was close. We ain’t Italian.
I try not to see my mom too often, she knows I’m a recovering alcoholic and bribes me with Vodka to do her favors. Idk why I’m sharing all of this, but if feels fucking great to let it out. I only open up to my boyfriend about this.