This is probably not going to be read since its been like 15 hrs since this was posted but i have something i need to get off my chest: im an alcoholic. I just realized it today. I drink everyday. I make sure no one knows. I make sure i seem "normal" im probably the best liar you have ever known. I started drinking at an early age like every other young american. At partys, trying to be cool, it was an ever wed through sunday affair. Monday, i would clean up, tuesday i would recuperate, and thursday, the binge would begin all over again. Im a highly functioning alcoholic so that is why it took me so long to realize that this pattern was not ok, specially since i was the cool guy who always brings booze to parties.
I started drinking at school.
Then it was no longer wed thru sun. It was every day.
I got a job. I was drunk at my interview. I drank dvery day at work. This shit was normal to me.
Then i developed a system where i wont come down and at the same time, i wont get a hangover. So i tested my limits. My threshold was high. So i inevitably went to th ER after this. I drank 33 1/2 beers that night.
Eventually i figured out that if i drink 2 1/2( or 2 shots of whatever spirit) beers every 1 1/2 hr id be drunk and no hangover.
Ive kept this system up for as long as i can remember. Over the years, ive had to slowly increment the dose because it felt like i was coming down from it.
I got to a point where i started shivering and panicking because i felt a sobering chill down my spine. Everything started to hurt and i wasnt prepared for no alcohol.
Even when i sleep, i wake up to drink. I sleep 5 to 6 hours. I work nights and dont do much else, my job is pretty demanding, so i can drink all day without anyone telling me anything.
im scared . I dont know what to do anymore because my body feels like its going die.
Im 23 yrs old. Im young. Yet i feel 78. Every day i wake up, i have a headache and nausea. I smoke weed for that.
I need help but im too afraid to ask for it because i know my body is not what should be like. It feels like theres rot iniside me.
I dont know how to stop. But i dont want to stop. But i should stop.
I never thought this would be me.