Partner and metamour broke a boundary, where do I go from here?

I'm sorry you're hurting. I've been in similar situations.

Safer sex agreements are precarious, as you've found out. Everyone will find that their boundaries are crossed with this if you've been poly long enough. This is the type of thing that is probably the most common boundary crossed.

It's important to remember that it's really impossible to "keep" agreements. Agreements are words, they're just air. People will do as they will, they will do what their hearts tell them.

Instead of shame and hurt feelings, you could choose to be happy for your partners and the strong connection that they feel instead of being sad for yourself that something happened that you feel runs contrary to the interpreted meaning of the noises that were made by forcing air through meat-flaps (spoken agreements).

You can choose to trust them again regardless of their behavior. You can choose your reaction to this, really. Feeling hurt is just a chemical reaction in your brain, that's all any feelings are, and the only person responsible for them is you.

If you can find your compersion and calm yourself, this could be a happy event instead of one that causes conflict.

/r/polyamory Thread