"nofap" is completely unnecessary for quitting porn. Although if you are in a relationship I suppose it's a good idea to try not to fap between making love.

And making love. Well, I have barely any experience in a long term relationship.. but your man is not a sex addict, or a porn addict. Those are symptoms. The way you describe he clearly needs to work out some issues. A lot of people will carry repressed emotions in them their whole life unless they have a genuine willingness to go into it and heal. It's good to quit porn, but he will always relapse unless you can encourage him to see a therapist, to work through the anxiety that is behind it.

As for the underlying anxiety here I can only make a guess from what you wrote. It sounds like the actual issue, is that he has difficulty with emotional bonding. A man can get in relationship while still having problems with intimacy and emotional bonding. The fetishes are obviously inspired by porn.. but that is not the problem. Fetishes CAN be a way of avoiding too much intimacy, because they are a kind of "roleplay". IF his problem relates to emotional bonding .. then it makes sense that he would be more comfortable with those than the love making/connection you suggested could be lacking. You could maybe bring that up and see if he can recognize the pattern there, and if he can recognize if he has a fear there.

I really don't know how you can help him, probably best he talks to a therapist. He needs to figure out that he is trying to medicate some anxiety he has in him. I'm just giving you some of the theory behind different psychological character styles. Emotional neglect sadly is very common today still, often from infancy, and can be carried on in compensating behaviour for the whole life. I'm a first hand example, but this isn't my story :)

Anyway , good luck.