I want to be a part of this sub cuz I know we all have so much in common also I really like all of you. Every time I try to participate here I get ignored or something something. I don't fit in. :( I am not trying to steal attention away from OP but I want to ask anyone willing to listen. I think i may have hurt myself beyond recovery. I need advise. So I got drunk the other day and decided to kill myself. I looked online to find out how many sleeping pills it would take to die and added 2. I ate them. I wasn't dying quick enough so I started to bite more pills. Not sure how many I ate. It made me sick and I threw up all over myself. In case I lived I decided to clean it up. I don't know what happened next. My mother found me face down on the floor. She grabbed my arm to make sure I was alive. I feel so bad for putting her through that. I woke up in my bed the next day. When I got up I could barely stand. I couldn't speak. I was fucked up bad. I stumbled to the bathroom to take a shower to try and wake up. I saw the clock. I was still alive and my kids would be home soon from school. I attempted to sober up so no one knew what I'd done. I was bad off for a few days. I got drunk again a few days later and told on myself. To my husband. I told him what I did because I have crazy weird bruises all over my arms. They hurt like hell and are starting to heal. I don't know where they came from. I told him what I did and promised to never do it again. The bruises are healing but I keep getting more. I think I fucked my liver up. They are healing but not. I just want to know if anyone else has bruises like this. Am I going to die? I am a awful person for putting my mom through this. If I'd died my kids would suffer too I know what I did was selfish and wrong. Am I beyond repair?