That's the problem with meds. I feel like an emotionless robot. I don't feel bad, I don't feel good. Im not fun, I don't smile, I fuck my wife like a robot, no romance. I'm just plain oatmeal. You also have to constantly change meds increase & decrease. And you have to be honest about it. My therapist knows I know exactly what to say to get her off my back and think I am doing great. Then she has to come visit me in the hospital. Some of my friends hate me on meds, some love me on meds. I go from partying my ass off blowing cash to them thinking my wife is controlling me and using me for money... It's all her idea I'm not actually crazy. She's never taken anything from me and had 100% access. And they have never seen me balls to the wall crazy. Even though we are separating she still check in on me. Because she knows all the tell tell signs. Like you said you could tell by your friends eyes. She knows when I'm bullshiting. It actually scares me we are splitting up because she can't keep up with me forever. It would be unfair to her and no guy wants a girl that constantly talks to her ex. I think the scariest thing is knowing I'm going to have an episode again and I might not have someone notice early and I completely lose my shit. I could definitely hurt some one or myself.