Forgiving them would mean to me that they go once again away without consequences to their negative actions, and that I can not do.

Yes. I have to live in my brain that now constantly tries to fuck me over or makes me feel crazy. My poor boyfriend is a fucking saint and understands everything in my head and even enjoys taking care of me, but he has to deal with me crying all the goddamn time when he says nice things to me. My friends have to listen to me talk myself off my ledge when I start thinking all these bad things about myself.

My entire life has been negatively affected by the shit I was put through and they do not deserve forgiveness. They can live with the guilt, though I doubt they feel any, of severely derailing my mental health.