It makes no sense because bad experiences DO NOT excuse bad behaviour, period. Unless it was a brain injury, you can’t just treat people like dirt because of “trauma”. I know 2 people that have suffered 3rd degree burns to significant portions of there body (30-40%), people who have fled from civil war, one person at work whose son died super young of an incredibly rare and aggressive leukemia, it goes on. Yet they don’t go around engaging in what is in your mothers case, blatant bullying.

So stop making excuses for your mum because quite frankly, you don’t deserve to be punished for her neuroticism. I very highly doubt this comes from good intentions, it may be that you’ve lived this so long that you can’t see the wood from the trees and think this is normal.

Tough love is someone telling you things you need to hear when you don’t want to hear them, in a straight forward, even-tempered, no-bullshit manner, respectful (emphasis), but this does not include taunting and disrespect, so you can just leave that idea at the door I think. It’s been told the truth when people can see your kidding yourself, making excuses and potentially cheating yourself out of something good.