• have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.*

All kidding aside, have you been evaluated for clinical depression? It sucked to read what you’re going through. I get the sense that you’re not filling a hole in your relation but you feel you, in fact, the hole. That’s a whole another level of shit that I’m sorry to hear about. Any counseling or therapy?