i don't feel like i'm worth much of anything either and i've been on both sides of the fence (when it comes to relationships/isolation and work/...). people will give you platitudes all day about getting a life and improving yourself bringing happiness but the truth for those who are treatment resistant/avoidant and can't cope with life is sometimes closer to the fact that there isn't really happiness to be found on either side of the fence. we either find things to pass the time and distract ourselves, get through the days and work on acceptance without restriction/expectation or we wallow in misery and there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of in between.

setting love or acceptance or self-worth behind walls A, B, C and D only seems to put more pressure on a person for all of the above and sets them up for disappointment if they get to the other side and find life feels just as alien to them as it did before.

i'm not going to tell you to put yourself out there. i can't put myself out there either, really. it's not that easy when you're nothing. not in this world. but maybe stay open to the idea that whether or not you improve, there's nothing wrong with doing enough to simply exist/survive and we might find it surprising how many people are out there, hiding away, doing the bare minimum, willing to accept it all and hoping for the same, friend, lover, whatever. you don't need to love yourself and all of that bullshit first. sometimes it's just a matter of acceptance and remembering to find small things we enjoy to pass the time with rather than forever dwelling on and obsessing over how to fix the desperate loneliness. people online or otherwise who exist solely to tear others down or can't fathom a path in life that deviates too far from their own really aren't worth the time or energy.

you aren't worthless just because you aren't cut out for the 9-5 or school or whatever. all of that shit is really secondary to who you are, how you act, how you feel and how you treat others. now lemme tell myself that and see if it sticks.

update: nope.