People only give a shit once you’ve actually killed yourself.

I feel like I felt like this for a while.

My best friend hung her self if in our dorm room one weekend that I left. She’s was convinced that no matter how many people told her they were there for her or that they cared that they would change their minds once they really knew who she was. I guess you could call it imposter syndrome. She thought she had tricked us into caring about her.

I was suicidal before then. I used to joke with her all the time about killing myself. It was like my mood was so fucking low that any minor problem or inconvenience, I thought about it. That I could escape, escape all the ducking pressure of being alive.

After she died, I realized I couldn’t do it. Seeing her body, reading the note she left, hurt so much. It was like someone stabbed right through my chest. When was the last time I told her I loved her? Did I let her know? Could I have done more?

People ducking give a shit. You’ve convinced yourself they don’t. Don’t let depression lie to you. Please just don’t. I want to die just as much as you but I can’t bring myself to cause that pain for someone else. No way. There’s too much pain already out there.

/r/depression Thread