Watching my mother make me a dollhouse and the dolls to go with it.
In preschool I somehow found my mother's lipstick, smuggled it along to preschool and slathered it all over my lips for picture day. And I posed with a curtsy as everyone stood straight. I was bullied relentlessly by the other kids for it for ruining the class picture.
In kindergarten after my parents divorced. My mother and I would spend the afternoons (I was AM kindergarten) eating lunch and watching Felix the Cat cartoons. And then one day she didn't come. I waited outside for what felt like hours and she didn't come. Turned out she had been interviewing for a job and it went way over time. Also turned out that she got the job, and from then on I was sent to a daycare I loathed down to the bottom of my heart after school every day until I graduated sixth grade. But the confusion and fear of that afternoon I'll never forget.
Watching the last season of Star Trek: The Next Generation in my oldest brother's room on his horribly aged TV from 1980. All four of us packed into his bed watching each second totally absorbed.
After a few years of being unpopular at school I got picked to show around a new student. She was pretty, loved all the same books I did, and was a ride-or-die kinda friend. The first friend I ever had and we spent practically every minute we could together. (And we're still friends.)
Going to bed and having our cat scratch the door of my bedroom relentlessly to come in. She would always snuggle in at my feet.
Going with youngest older brother to the convenience store to buy candy and soda. We each owned an absurd 64oz refillable mug and would mix and match all the fountain drinks for just a bit over a dollar.
The first time I saw the ocean with my father. Puget Sound, to be fair. I wanted to live in Seattle ever since then.
The first time someone managed to see my art. I was immensely shy and embarrassed to show it off and always hid it. I thought I'd hidden it but the person next to me pulled it out. I was ready to bow in shame but instead the person loved it.
A letter I sent to my mother in angry catharsis. That I hated daycare. That I hated that she took care of our autistic brother more than me (from an adult perspective I can't blame her though). That I hated wearing my brothers' hand-me-downs to school. That I hated being poor and picked on for it. I told her straight up I wanted to live with my father instead. I was crying when I wrote it because I knew it would tear her apart. I cry whenever I think about it because it actually did. (Things got better.)
Sewing clothes with my mother. (See, it got better.)
The sheer freedom and relief I felt when I became a sophomore and decided to live with my father. ... Until he lost his job two months after I made the decision and split with his partner of 10 years who'd become like a second mom to me. It was like someone had thrown tear gas into my soul.
One afternoon in high school when I really just felt total despair, jealousy and anger for the students around me. My dad's savings had dwindled, I was working to pay our bills/money for whatever I needed (anything for class fees to my own shampoo, tampons etc) and for one moment I nearly gave into anger and despair that everyone else seemed to have these wonderful lives free of misery. My teacher noticed something was wrong with me and talked it over with me until I was crying with thankfulness that I could tell someone what was going on.
The first beat drop when I found out I was going to university on a full ride.
The moment I met the man who would become my husband. Apparently he was smitten instantly but I thought I'd pissed him off despite not saying a word.
The moment that man kissed me for the first time.