Went to a backyard BBQ with my parents one summer. Went inside to get a plate. Turn around and was frozen in fear by the biggest cockroach I have ever seen. It was 3 inches long and covered in spines. It was crawling along the kitchen cabinets without care. I watched as it shimmied it's way into closed kitchen drawers doing Lord knows what. Eventually the cockroach starts making its way towards the door. But before that was woman standing in front of the stove. She was too preoccupied with her cooking to notice the cockroach as it crawled up her sneakers and up the back of her leg. About halfway up to her butt it spread its wings and flew towards the dog food. When I felt sufficiently safe I noped the fuck out of there. And then when I was outside it tried to climb up my leg! I swear the roach must have picked up on my fear and fixated on me. Unlike the lady inside I wasn't wearing pants. So i start sprinting. Everyone outside saw what was happening got up to squish it. The orange thing sensing dangerous booked it over the nearest fence, missing death from a rubber sold by me inches. My mom never saw it but my dad can vouch for me if I ever ask.