Had an awkward stage in jr high. Was poor. Hand me down clothes. Didn’t have many friends but people were kind to me mostly. I must have grown into my looks at some point that summer because when I hit high school girls wanted to be friends with me and I got lots of attention and all the guys were sweet and attentive to me. Pretty confusing. I have always felt like I don’t belong or good enough or like an imposter. I ended up with a gaslighting narcissist for many years. Older now. Still doubt myself but perfect strangers come up and compliment me. On my looks. It’s strange. I still don’t see it. And don’t know that it means anything to me except I am more confident because of their kindness and most people treat me better than some others for something passing and arbitrary. Beauty fades but dumb is forever. I have a hard time making the kind of connections with people who appreciate my heart and intelligence I tend to trust everyone because I have always been protected and I am getting my ass kicked all over the place.