My vice - painkillers

I still remember the first time. Even though I knew the first line would open the door to many years of use, I still did it. I smoked weed in high school and knew that my drug of choice would always be drugs that made me relax. I was never big on coke or even adderral despite the fact I had a prescription.

Why did i do it? Pain killers felt justified. I mean it comes from a doctor. My local cvs gives them to people. So I would tell myself "I'm not a druggie, I'm not doing some coke that may or may not be actual coke. I'm not taking mdma that may be mixed with other drugs" pain killers felt safe. The neighborhood suburban mom takes pain killers when she has surgery. So how bad can they really be.

Well, 8 years later and just getting clean, they are a hell of a drug. It was never started as "wake up and down oxy all day" but that is what it progressed to. Like many of the other comments, I grew into the habit.

At first it was something we did after delivering pizzas at work. Then it made work a little more enjoyable if we did some oxy before work. But, I did keep moderation at the beginning. I had some fun my high school senior year but I went to college and lost my connect. So I would be clean at college, despite my best effort to find some. When I would come home for breaks, I would be nose deep in a pile of oxy. Then sophomore year cam and I found a dealer. Before I knew it, 4 more years of college flew by and I was doing oxy all 4 years. Yes I might have had small breaks for one reason or another, but I always want back to pain killers. And I would also go back stronger then when I left.

I went to a big party school but I also made decent grades. This was probably my justification for a daily oxy habit. I felt I was in control because, so what if I use oxy, I made good grades, I'm social, good girlfriend. I also never escalated too much. I never made the leap the heroin. I always kept the habit at 1 pill a day. Maybe 2 on some party night. I always though that, I had my habit in control, it was not my habit controlling me. And like all druggies, I was good at hiding it. That was probably my biggest problem. Unless you were in my inner circle of friends, you would have no idea.

That is probably how I got to the point of "hey let's wake up and do some oxy"

This continued into my early career stages. White collar desk job with a filthy pill habit. Eventually, I had to call it quits. Despite my long term belief that I was in control, I wasn't. My body would shut down on days I didn't have have oxy. I would loath for the next batch from a dealer. I was sick of it. From at 17-25 I was a glorified functioning drug addict. I made the decision about 8 months ago that enough is enough and haven't touched it since.