People of Reddit who wake up every day and enjoy life, what's that like?

It's not everyday- sometimes the blues hit, and they hit hard.

I come from depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, an eating disorder, body dysmorphia, and whatever else is part of that mosaic of mental illnesses I have.

I'm in nursing school, and it is soul crushingly difficult. I was concerned the stress would make everything worse. Sometimes, it seems like it does. Some days I can't handle anything. But 90% of the time, I feel like I have a purpose, and I can make someone else's life better, and it makes me feel whole, complete, and really happy.

It's not a magical sunshine happiness I wake up with, it feels more like an energy. I use that energy to force happiness into my life. I sing to the radio, and try to get people at stop lights to dance with me. I do finger guns in the mirror. I tell myself jokes. I'm my own comedian.

I always give money to people on the street. I work with homeless men often and I know how tough it can be, and how important a dollar can be too. I complement other women, a lot. I used to view women as competition, and I'm teaching myself to see them as my team members: I think wow, that woman is so beautiful, I'm so glad I'm a woman too. We're awesome. I talk to strangers, which was terrifying at first, but it's become a lot of fun. I give myself hugs. I bring my friends chocolate. I go to poetry readings just because I've never gone to one. I skip to my car sometimes.

Most of it is combatting the bullshit of daily life. When someone on the freeway cuts me off, I make up a story, like they're late to work because they gave their dog extra kisses this morning. And some days, I'm WAY too grumpy to do that, so I just laugh, because life is an asshole sometimes. When I hate the way I look, I think, "well, you may be an ugly lady, but at least dogs literally don't care what you look like". Later when the feeling subsides, I say "you're so silly for thinking that way about yourself", and then I remind myself of my good qualities.

This is a 180 from where I was 2 years ago. I would be curled up in a corner of my bathroom, wanting so badly to die, loathing myself, wishing I could disappear forever. I would go through days feeling dead inside, and normal days when I didn't want to die were rare and magical. I would be amazed having a few hours and NOT feeling miserable.

Life is one big, whimsical, sad, wonderful joke. It's so much easier to get through with a sense of humor. It cuts through that deep melancholy that feels so persistent. Things still piss me off. I cry a lot, especially when I see people suffer, and witness death. I feel powerless in the face of poverty and injustice. I feel like I regain that power when I make other people laugh, make myself laugh, and do a little bit of good. I feel like I have a small fire in my chest, all the time, and I keep it alive by creating "happy" situations.

I haven't seen anyone for my problems in a while. If someone asked me how I "did it", I'd say, I'm still doing it, but honestly it was doing something that makes the world better. Helping other people has helped me more than anything else.

/r/AskReddit Thread