Do people start conversations with you/talk about you or is it the other way around?

Being approached does happen less often as a guy, which you seem aware of.

Personal magnetism and being the initiating party are not mutually exclusive, though. Many highly charismatic people are also outgoing and initiate more often than they are approached. They have to, in fact, because it's how you create opportunities to practice your charisma. It's how you build it.

Are you very good looking?

Appearance can give you an in, not more and not less. And you can influence most of it. Body shape, hair cut, fashionable outfits. Find your style and get it. People who have nothing else to offer besides looks are exciting for a whole two seconds, though.

What makes you so magnetic?

Here are four examples of charismatic people I personally know. They're wildly different, people, but they all share a couple of traits: Confidence, trust, openness and curiosity. And most of all, they're authentic. More on that in The Charisma Myth by Olivia Cabane, an excellent book.

A: male. In excellent physical shape with a sense of style that is on point. Projects an aura of self-assured confidence, is interested in getting to know people. Impressively good at interpreting body language and using it to his advantage - intuitively. Brilliant bullshit detector and highly intelligent, although he doesn't flaunt his intelligence. Always in search of something special.

B: male. Knows his way around fashion and a variety of other topics - very knowledgeable. Can relate to anybody and has countless opinions and anecdotes to share. Excellent story-teller, and insanely witty. Tends to take charge and be the center of attention. Loves pulling pranks and joking. Well-connected with a plethora of friends. Is nearly never entirely serious, loves challenging others and being challenged.

C: female. Has a simple, yet elegant style. Intelligent, knowledgeabe and open-minded. Conversations with her inevitably become fascinating discussions. Can effortlessly talk about private and intimate topics. Is always open to hear a contrasting opinion and relate it to her own experiences. Talking to her will leave you with food for thought for days.

D: female. Has a distinct style on the upper end of daily casual. Honest to a fault. Controversial and dominant. Adventurous and bold. Has strong beliefs and no qualms about voicing them, but will try anything once for the experience. Self-reflects constantly. Empathetic and positive, silly when inebriated. Gives out honest compliments and likes to help, but will not let anyone take advantage of her.

/r/socialskills Thread