I cheated 2 times with 2 different guys and I didn't get caught.
I was in a 2 year old relationship and we broke up once. The reason for the first breakup was because I'd been cheating on him for 2 weeks and I felt so guilty and shit about it. It occurred to me that I wouldn't be cheating on him if I really loved him so I broke it off by making another excuse.
Around a month passed and somehow we got back together again. I think during our short breakup I realised that I actually truly loved him and that I cheated on him before because I was stupidly looking for something 'new' and 'exciting'. The fling was exciting at first, but over time I realised that I didn't care for him and I actually loved my ex (boyfriend). I never told my boyfriend about the cheating, and I actually started to really become invested in him and love him. I swore off cheating, because I realised how stupid I was to cheat on someone that I loved so much.
Fast forward, we dated for another year, and we were really in love, and it was obvious that we would get married in the future. But more realistic relationship problems arose and it stayed like that for 4 months straight, us being depressed and unhappy, even though we loved each other. He fell into depression and I stayed with him until it got better, and we really cared for each other despite our shortcomings.
But he started to fall into his second depression, which I did want to help him, but I was going through my own dark period in life and I frankly couldn't be the one to always support him. I needed support when I was sick, but it seemed like he was the one to always fall into depression and I would be the one to always be the one to take his fall.
A relationship should be mutual, and It seemed so awfully one-sided by that fact that there was no room for my emotional baggage in the relationship, only his.
This was when I met another guy, and we just started off as friends. He was so different from my ex, had his life and shit sorted out, had healthy relationships with his friends and was a genuinely happy guy. He was the opposite of my ex who was out of a job for 2 months and wasn't even actively looking for one, didn't have any social life and was always depressed.
I started hanging around this guy and realised what I was missing out. I know it sounds shitty to just "find someone better" and leave him behind but honestly its not something I decided that was so simple. I just felt like I deserved so much better because no matter how much effort and patience I gave towards my boyfriend at the time he didn't appreciate it and didn't even try to make things better. I think at one point I was so confused because in my heart I really did love him but also I knew that he wasn't right for me. That's when I learnt that love doesn't make everything right. It probably was the most bitter feeling I have ever felt in my life, because up to then I thought true genuine love could make everything work. But it turns out that we were such different people and love was just not enough.
I spend a month cheating on him because I couldn't decide what I wanted. I genuinely loved my ex but wasn't happy, whereas I was genuinely happy with this new guy but wasn't in love yet. I didn't know if me being happy with this guy was worth throwing away the love I had. But then I came to the realisation that it will never be the same with my boyfriend and that maybe I didn't truly love him because I cheated on him.
To this day I still don't know if that was genuine love. I sometimes think I'm a shitty person who isn't capable of love because I cheated on someone I thought I fucking loved so much.
I broke up with him a month later because I absolutely hated the dreading feeling of cheating on someone and feeling fucking guilty.
The thing I still can't figure out is if whether I'm a shitty person who cheats and feels guilty or whether I cheated because of the circumstances I was in. (Cheating can't be validated I know, but there may be reasonable reasons.)