People who have dated someone who later came out gay. What was your reaction?

My first partner was a guy (I'm a girl)... and we're both gay! We were together for three years. Some of it was great, most of it was terrible, and it was not a surprise to anyone when we broke up and he came out. He had a lot off issues with internalised homophobia/his family being colossal dicks, and those feelings turned into a lot of general anger towards the world, and towards me. We went through short periods of time where we had lots of sex (fuck the gay away!) and lonnggggg periods of time where we had no sex. He was very controlling and ultimately quite abusive, physically and otherwise... but more than anything, he was a fragile, brittle, and scared boy who couldn't come to terms with the way he felt, and how scared he was of disappointing his parents.

I, on the other hand, clung to this shitty relationship because I couldn't bear to face the idea that I just didn't like boys. If I left, I would have to either a) be alone for the rest of my life, or b) deal with the fact that there was something different and/or "broken" (my thoughts at the time) about me. It was easier and less frightening to stay. When I did finally come out it, it was a massive surprise to my parents, and no surprise to anyone else.

I don't think I had a "reaction" when he went on to date men... because I had known for so long. I did have this weird sort of pride in being the only girl he'd ever be with, and the fact that we had stuck it out for so long despite being such a miserable failure. I don't know WHY I was proud, as that's not something to be proud of... but nonetheless, that's how I felt.

Looking back now, I hope he's happy, and I hope he has found peace. I also hate him for how terribly he treated me, but I'm old enough now to see that he was so young, and so desperate to figure it all out, and so poorly equipped to do so.

/r/AskReddit Thread