My Dad traveled a lot for work in my formative years and would always bring home the little hotel bottles from the bathroom. Needing some sort of lubricant, I one by one starting stealing the body lotions as I needed them.

As a young lad in a very religious household I did not want to get caught. After finishing up with bottles I thought the best way to completely get rid of the evidence would be to flush them down the toilet. It actually worked a few times, but what I now realize was inevitable happened and a bottle got stuck in the pipes.

The things is, I did not actually realize it got stuck at the time it got stuck - I thought everything went according to plan. So when the toilet wouldn’t flush and the plunger did nothing I went to my dad for help without even realizing what I was about to do my self.

It was whole big father-son job to completely remove the toilet off the floor to gain access below. It’s at that moment I saw the bottle of lotion in the drain. I quickly grab the bottle and put it in the bin under some other trash.

Thinking I had managed to get away with the impossible, we proceed to put the toilet back in place. When we were all done, he reaches right into the trash and pulls out the bottle.

Angrily, he says “The next time your in here playing with yourself, don’t flush the bottle down the toilet. We’re not going to mention this to your mother.”

And just like that he walks out. We never talk about it again. And I’ve flushed nothing but toilet paper ever since.