Whippersnappers nowadays don't understand how easy they have it. Dial-up porn was a cruel, cruel mistress - it used to take me around 20 minutes just to load a single image, often rendering in blocks. Today, with a mere click or two of the mouse, we are transported to the magical, semen-laden lands of YouPorn and xVideo - where we can masturbate joyously to videos which pique our interest, and seek out clips to quench our every possible sexual peccadillo.

When I was younger, we only had one computer - and that computer was situated in the living room, normally in full view of my parents. So I could only access porn when they were out of the house, and even then - only for a short while in case they returned unexpectedly early to find me nutting one out to a free preview clip of Valerie the 40-year-old MILF getting boned in the pooper. To remedy the foregoing, I would just print out screenshots of web pages and store them in an empty biscuit tin under my bed.

After a year of doing this, I had amassed one of the most impressive collections of pornography for a 14-year-old. I had even organised my haul using post-it notes and paperclips, and began to lend pages to close acquaintances of mine - like Blockbuster (RIP), but with printed pages of porn instead of films. It was like the Ancient Library of Alexandria, and true to history - I burnt the collection with the advent of broadband and the purchase of my own computer. Nowadays, I don't really have any porn stored on my computer - I just open up an incognito tab and within minutes I can be staring at the weathered anus of the great Penny Porsche. What a time to be alive.