I was friends with John for most of my life. I was a few years older but we got close in high school and college. We had been on trips together, partied together, friends with some of the same people - it made sense for us to move in together after we both finished grad school in the same year and moved to the same city. Brief breakdown of things that happened:

• At his birthday party, one of his friends was going on a racist rant about how disgustingly ugly he finds Asian people. I told him off and my friend told me that I acted inappropriately for confronting him. He had no problem with what his friend said because “it’s not like I’m racist”. My thoughts: you are judged by the company you keep, don’t act like your friends aren’t a reflection of you

• He had very negative views of sex and sexuality. Every time he would share any intimate detail of his life it would be to complain. Every time he was in a relationship he would say that he was “happy but…”. He seemed to always make sex and relationships a negative thing and seemed to judge when I would go on dates, etc. If I was happy about a relationship, he had negative things to say

• We went on vacation with a couple of friends and their significant others. Throughout the vacation he made negative comments about my weight, skin, hair, and habits. I recovered from a pretty nasty eating disorder and so it was kind of a low blow to me

• The nail in the coffin was when he told me that I was irresponsible for seeing a single friend during the pandemic. He had been in a relationship, hooking up with random people at the same time, and criticized me for seeing one person. He called me irresponsible and selfish. I couldn’t believe I wasn’t allowed a single friend…

After that interaction we never really spoke again besides random run-ins