I was 16 at the time. I had this friend, I'll call him bob, he was a total piece of shit. I hung around him because he always had pot. Anyway, one night I'm at his house getting drunk and his mom and his girlfriend at the time are getting drunk on some sort of peach booze with us. Bob's girlfriend starts making out with him on his bed and I felt uncomfortable so I left the room and went out back..
Little context... Bob's father raised roosters for cock - fighting tournaments, so all around on this massive hill behind bobs house were just rows and rows of chickens and roosters. It smelled awful. The sound almost never stopped. Bob also had two very old dogs that looked terrible. They were just barely hanging on. One of the dogs had a milky looking eye and he would breathe like someone who just had their throat slit.. Thinking about that place now I realize I would have hung out with anyone as long as they had drugs or booze..
Anyway, I'm out back smoking a cigarette and bobs mom opens the back door and comes outside. She came and sat down beside me and asked me for a cigarette. She started talking about how cute she thought I was and how her husband is so drunk all of the time and he never even kisses her anymore, and by the way, her husband is asleep in their room the entire fucking time this is going on... So, finally she asks, "are you going to kiss me?"
I was SIXTEEN. I had watched every porn ever by that time and I immediately started frantically making out with her. She was very attractive. She was only about 35 and very fit. So, at 16, my dick had no idea what to do. It was so hard it hurt... I asked her if we would get caught doing this on the back porch. She grabs me by the arm and takes me to her FAMILYS MINIVAN, opens the sliding door on the side, lays down on the seat and takes her pants off and I get on top of her.
Now this may sound hot right now.. but remember those chickens??? I'm two pumps in when I look down to my left and I see a chicken just pumping it's own head at me like it's mocking me. Then, I hear an ungodly snort to my right and I see that fucking milky eyed dog staring at me just gurgling and wobbling towards me. Then, I came with the force of 1000 sixteen year old boys all over her FAMILYS MINIVAN, pulled up my pants, and told bobs mom that we should go inside before we get caught.
I ran inside, sat down on bobs couch and watched tv while his mom showered. I caught a whiff of my hands, they smelled like unwashed pussy...
It was definitely fun to fuck bobs mom because bob was a horrible racist piece of white trash and he still sold me pot after that..
Bob's dad eventually did find out, but I didn't know that until very recently ( I'm 23 now.) I lived in fear for a few years because bobs dad was a very big man and I was sure he'd kill me.. but he never did, obviously.
I feel a little fucked up now because of it, but I can't undo it.
Also, that's how I lost my virginity..