I do not currently hate myself as much as I once did but some days are worse than others.

I couldn't say exactly but when I was in maybe middle school or elementary school I felt like I was somehow... different from others and an outsider for stupid reasons that made sense when I was a kid. I preferred to play on the girls team for schoolyard games and did not like sports.

In middle school I tried really hard to be noticeable. I wasn't funny, voice change and hormones wreaked havoc with my appearance; I had dandruff, was overweight, rampant acne. I did a lot of stupid things for attention that escalated as I grew older.

I began to hate myself the most when I poured so much attention into a girl who was subtly manipulating me and finally realized that our relationship would not only never be romantic, but would never even be authentic. She had some issues, and I would much, much later tell her to not contact me. Ever.

I was falsely accused of sexual harassment at school and, in the hopes that I would be asked to leave, admitted to it, just so they wouldn't try and force me to confess somehow. (It was a private school. They played by their own rules.)

Left afterwards. Decided to think more about what I did, and said, before I did it. Still be you, be funny and personable, but not a fucking weirdo, right? It worked and now I don't hate myself.