People who need to vent and don't want to bother their friends and family, what's wrong?

I survived a school shooting. Like in the room where it happened, whole kit and caboodle. I have since graduated, but decided to take a gap year. I haven't hung out with anybody at all really since summer, except for 2-3 people. And my whole summer I spent with the wrong people. I should have spent it with 4 or 5 of the people that meant the most to my high school life. Instead I spent it with a toxic thrown together group with only one of the people I should have been with. I destroyed one of the closest relationships I ever had through my senior year, and when summer rolled around I couldn't fix it. She had done so much for me and I valued her presence so much, that when she didn't come to my grad party, then didn't invite me to anything other than the week the shooting occured it hurt so much. Then, it seemed like we were back on the right track over the last few months. But the last few times I have contacted her she has been so short with me, and its honestly soul crushing.

Add on top of this the complete isolation I feel like I have since I didn't go to college and it all comes out miserable. Every one of the few times I've seen people they always ask how I'm doing and I can never give them the truth not because I don't want to tell them, but because when I'm with them I value the time we have together so much more than I ever could have before. I've determined I should find a job next semester, but I have a hard time being motivated by tasks I don't enjoy. I am also concerned because I want a friendly environment where I can develop the kinds of relationships I lost after it happened, but work doesn't provide that environment. As a whole life honestly has sucked since graduating.

/r/AskReddit Thread