People who have shit themselves in your adult life, what is your story?

A couple of weeks ago, I felt a shit nudging the inside of my anus - but I could tell from the pressure being exerted and from the weight that it wasn't a big one. I thought I'd wait for the food currently being digested to turn into poo and join the poo already waiting to be let out before taking a dump. Big mistake, yo. Big fucking mistake.

Two nights later, after nearly 52 hours of not opening my shit-hole, I felt like I'd given birth to an oil truck. I applied so much pressure when pushing out the poo that I actually turned red in the face and felt dizzy (though I steadied myself by holding on to the towel rail). Time to clean, but - of course - no toilet paper. I contemplated using an empty bottle of shampoo, but I decided the logistical difficulty outweighed its effectiveness so I scrapped the idea. I shouted my brother for help, but no reply. I then proceeded to crab-walk out of the toilet, and all the way downstairs (past my brother, who was eating nachos and watching TV) until reaching the safety of the guest bathroom where I cleaned myself in peace. Problem solved, right? Nope. When I get back to the bathroom upstairs, I stand back and survey the damage. No splatter. Just one huge, fuck-off piece of shit. I flushed it twice but it wouldn't move, the force of the flush wasn't even eroding the poo such was the solidness of my excrement. I then broke a wooden hanger in half and started attacking the shit as it was nestled quietly and smugly (Fuck you, ariiiiigold! I like it here, I ain't goin' nowhere!) in the toilet. I hacked away at it until the shit broke up in to three/four pieces. I pressed the flusher, but the fuck refused to move. Exasperated by my attempts to banish this monstrosity of a shit, I discarded the hanger out of the bathroom window and went to sleep. When I awoke in the morning, the poo had disappeared - leaving not even a trace of it having ever been there. Often poops of this size will leave remnants of their being behind, "poop nuggets" which are sheared off the sides of these behemoths by the crashing waves of the flushing water (like chunks of ice of icebergs). But there were no nuggets, not even any shit smears. Either the poop had succumbed to the power of the flush, or the poop had disappeared into thin air (being carried to the afterlife by the poo fairies).

Will I ever find out what happened? Who knows? But weeks on, my investigation is still ongoing. I will find out what happened to poop #27373838. I will bring closure to its family.

/r/AskReddit Thread