It was my English cousin's new boyfriend, nicknamed 'Charles' because of his uncanny resemblance to a younger Prince Charles .
It was summer, and they were visiting us here in Canada from their home in England. We had taken the ferry to the Toronto Islands and when we returned, we stayed down at the Harbourfront for dinner and late-night drinks.
We were all walking by the water on our way to hail a cab when Charles went unusually silent. He then took off in a sprint as if a starter's pistol had been fired.
We called after him, to no response, until he was out of sight. We walked for a bit in the direction he took, but decided some of us would stay close to where he last saw us, and the rest would split up and return in about 15 minutes if he wasn't found.
45 minutes later, he returned soaking wet without his shirt, just wearing his jeans. He said he was terribly sorry, could not explain, and requested that we return home by public transit instead of a cab. He stood all the way, and none of us really talked or made eye contact with him on the way home.
I remember looking at him as he was holding onto the bus pole. He was looking up as if he was in a battlefield holding up a large sword to the sky and thinking 'why, God?'
What we found out later was that Charles suddenly felt as though he was going to shit his pants as we were walking that night. He tried to hold on until, unbeknownst to us, shat his pants and took off running.
While in turmoil, in the seconds before shitting himself, he planned to excuse himself and go back to the ferry terminal and their anonymous public bathrooms. Upon shitting himself, he ran to them, only to find the terminal, and their bathrooms, locked for the night.
He then jogged to the lakefront, and jumped in Lake Ontario. He took off his clothes in the water, wearing jeans. He let his underwear go and tried and failed to clean his pants by rubbing them together with his shirt.
He said he got out of the lake naked and put his wet jeans back on as if his life depended on it. He then walked back to find us, mustering all of his British stoicism as he left that shit behind him.