People who have shit themselves during their adult life, what happened?

Here we go.

Now, at the time, I was not a full fledged adult yet. I think I was 16, possibly 17 years old. I've definitely had pants shitting incidents since, but this one -- oh boy, this takes the cake.

I was always the fat kid growing up. I wasn't even that big, but all my friends played sports, were physically active and they never had any problems "getting the girl".

So, imagine my surprise when I find out that this one girl I was crushing on was also crushing on me.

IIRC, a mutual friend gave her my AOL Instant Messenger screen name, and we hit it off pretty quick. We made plans for the following day to meet downtown near a popular hangout spot for my friends and I.

I had slept over my friend's house that night, and his house was in walking distance to the agreed-upon meeting place this girl and I agreed to. During my walk, I felt last night's feast consisting of a Wendy's Baconator and most likely more Mountain Dew than one human should feasibly drink, come back to haunt me. Couple that with a crazy hot and humid day -- I was not feeling so great.

You know that familiar rumble in your gut where you aren't sure if it's just gas, or worse? Well, that was my reality at that moment.

Before I even made it to our meet-up spot, I saw this girl and her friend riding their bikes in my direction. Both of these girls were totally "out of my league", by my own young standards. But I knew one of them had a thing for me, and that this was my shot at finally 'getting the girl'!

So we all decide to go and hang out at her friend's house, where it was air conditioned and there was a pool table in the basement. Her house was about a 3/4 of a mile away, and they were slowly riding their bikes, with a sweaty young Cane-Dewey closely following behind. I was doing everything in my power to keep my butt-cheeks clenched, as to not unleash the fart of all farts in close proximity to these girls.

We turned a corner to a rather long, straight road. Both girls speed up and put a bit of distance between us. Seeing my chance for a flatulent release without them noticing, I gambled.... and lost.

A warm, wet sensation filled my boxers. And the smell! Ohhh man, I could barely stand it, and, to quote Fat Bastard, everybody loves their own brand. I stopped walking for a second to look down at my legs to see if any of the mess began trickling down to my toes. Sure enough, there it was.... trickling down past the hem of my shorts, down my bare legs.

The girls rode back my way, and miraculously, they didn't notice. They couldn't have. I mean, if two 16-17 year old girls happened to see a guy covered in shit, people around the world would have heard their collective "EWWWWWW"s

Somehow, I made it to this girls house, and immediately excused myself into the bathroom.

There I am, covered in my own shit from the waste down, stinking up a foreign bathroom, with two girls waiting for me to come out. One of whom seemed to have a thing for me.

I sit down on the throne, and take three seconds to compose myself. I let loose the rest of the atrocities left in my bowels, and breathed a much needed sigh of relief. At least the physical pain of holding in a maelstrom of shit was over. But I was now tasked with the ungodly mission of trying to quickly clean myself, and make sure there was not any left over smell.

I reached for the toilet paper, to discover there was only about 7 squares left on the roll... It was a small bathroom with only a medicine cabinet for storage. There was not a single piece of extra toilet paper in that damn bathroom.

At this point, I had already been in the bathroom for about 7-8 minutes, and I knew I was going to have to come out soon. Scrambling for something to clean myself up with, I came to the stark realization that I was running out of options.

The only thing in that bathroom that I could use to clean up with was either: A) Try and use my already-soiled boxers with some water, and hope to god it was enough, or B) use the hand towel that was neatly folded next to the sink.

I chose B.

I pulled off my shorts and boxers, wet the towel in the sink, and did my best to clean up the vile mess that had exited my system just a little bit ago. My boxers were a lost cause, but by sheer dumb luck, my shorts had been virtually unscathed by my disgusting mess.

After cleaning myself up, I then realized I had a new problem. I had not only my poop-laden boxer shorts, but now I also had a damp, dirty hand towel to contend with. Not to mention, I knew I probably still wreeked of last night's dinner.

At this point, I succumbed to defeat. I was not ready to hang out with these two girls alone, and this must have been the worlds way of telling me so. Knowing I couldn't just hide both my soiled boxers and hand towel, I swallowed my pride, and stuffed both of them into the cargo pocket in my shorts.

After washing my hands, and spraying a good half can of air freshener, I opened the door to the bathroom. With the front door to the house staring at me from across the hall, I had a decision to make. Follow the sounds of these two girls to, presumably, the living room. Or make a B-Line for the front door, and run.

I ran.

I ran all the way back to the friend's house where I slept the night before. I ran inside, and without saying a word to my friends parents, ran right up to his bedroom. My friend was sitting there, and asked me how things went with this girl... I just chuckled an uncomfortable chuckle, grabbed my backback with a spare set of clothes, and ran into the bathroom to shower my shame away.

/r/AskReddit Thread