The protective factors are really important, they can help with resiliency. All of this is so complex, though, and I've found that the healing/understanding was not linear and it took a long time after I became actually aware of what happened and how it contributed to who I am as well as its impact on some of my struggles. I think the stage of becoming aware itself was a lot of work because it felt safer and easier to disconnect/disassociate. I personally have a lot more work to do to create healthier habits and be mindful/be able to identify when I'm reactive. It still feels safer and easier to not try at times.

I'm reading your edit and thinking about the sub-I do think when I found reddit it helped me to read about narcissism and life after being involved with it (this, along with generational alcoholism and mental health issues in general over generations, was the source of my abuse). But I also find I check in there less, because I'm not in the stage of identifying what happened or documenting so much trauma, so those types of posts can be triggering or frustrating to me now because I was able to genuinely go no contact (the hardest thing!). My job now is to be able to acknowledge my story and tell myself the truth, but to focus on self love and acceptance forever. It's like a reparenting as much as reprogramming unconscious habits. I will always have to deal with the ramifications of the abuse, and it's important I add to the toolbox I need to be able to do that right.

And I don't think being proud of successfully not harming (when that was modeled for you) is offensive. We all start somewhere on this journey to surviving and hopefully overcoming, and I think being true and having that understanding of yourself is important for us all. It will hopefully allow you to reach a different place that you wish for yourself. Thanks again!