I dont even bother hanging around anybody anymore. Completely gave up. I hate how much energy I can obtain and just be off the rails with happiness and make people around me feel good, and then the next day I cant get out of bed because I can't work up enough mental awarness to fight how miserable and out of control my life is and how much I suck at life let alone try and make eye contact... I mean Constant anxiety, and thoughts of everything bad running through my mind on a loop.. I dont take pills or drink alcohol anymore because I didnt want to kill myself or die (it got out of control) so now thoughts are more loud than usual.. Insecurities are on display for everyone to see and because I dont numb them with drugs my feelings are more controlled but at a higher volume.. Thanks for asking feels good to describe my nightmare.