I don’t know. I’m an adoptive parent from foster care. The worst moment of my life was six years ago when my first foster child was taken away to live with her uncle. She came to us a 5 days old suffering from cocaine withdrawals and stayed with us until 9 months old. I adopted my next two foster daughters, one of them is now suffering from reactive attachment disorder, and it is a hard road.

My brother adopted his son a couple weeks ago, I was at the ceremony and it bothered me, a lot. For reasons I can’t explain. I should have been happy for him, but it upset me.

After Thanksgiving, my brother, sister in law, my wife and I went to see “Instant Family”, which wasn’t that great of a movie, but it did recreate the worst and happiest moments in my life in a 90 minute show. That sent me spiraling. I’ve been having suicidal thoughts, and even thinking about how I would go about killing myself. I went to therapy on Monday, the therapist referred me to a psychiatrist who could prescribe me medication, but I can’t get in until December 15. My therapist asked me to text her my appointment details, and she said that it is too long to wait and I should see my normal doctor and get on something ASAP. I got the next appointment from my GP, which is next week.

Every day I’m going through the motions, I’m trying to fake happiness but even my coworkers ask what is wrong. I’m just trying to make it to my next appointment.