Yes, you said that you are the same with your wife as OPs spouse is with him. That you expect her to orgasm to show that she's enjoying it... and that your friends all pride themselves on that very thinking! Orgasm pressure!

Basing your enjoyment and satisfaction on your partners ability to orgasm is the very definition of orgasm pressure. I mean you're basically saying I will not be satisfied unless you orgasm for me.

No wonder women fake it (and I'm sure your wife is highly orgasmic, I'm just saying generally.)

I find the topic fascinating, sorry. As someone who is anorgasmic I just have a different perspective on all that. If all I need was a stiff breeze to make me cum I'm sure I'd be thinking differently.