I'm sorry you're hurting. Not fair to you to downplay your validity and place in the situation. you're doing things out of genuine kindness though, just don't get taken advantage of in the meantime (not saying that will happen). I used to be on really good terms with BM (my husband too--he used to help her out and say yes to any custody change at her request even tho she has an SO) until some falling outs and drama and realized any type of friendship/respectful mom to stepmom/woman to woman thing wasn't gonna happen. After the last thing even deleted her family from my fb (they wanted to add me after DH and I got together). He still has them on fb and from time to time he'll see her family if his daughter is having a sleepover with them or something on our time. His other daughters (different mom) still see them as family too. Trust me, it's also a "don't have any firsts here" situation....they'll never be close to my immediate family unfortunately. But at some point I had to take a big step back and let it all go. I've been through enough that I wasn't gonna let someone who I barely know dictate our lives. DH stopped helping her and only talks to her now when he needs to about their child. Sometimes not having too many hands in is really a good thing.