It's really the physical side for me, they look like a full-fledge adult and not something that is still going through that process.

You nailed it for me too. I really think this is the main reasons. Older men are just more masculine. Masculine are secondary sexual characteristics. So the more older the more masculine you are. It feels like that's what you're supposed to be attracted too. Emotional maturity is sexually attractive and emotionally attractive too and people my age aren't always that, especially when you hit puberty. I don't want to be in one of those relationships with someone my age where we're BOTH figuring our shit out and major life changes happen. That's too much shit to figure out. I can barely deal with mine.

When you're as old as the guys you prefer you will have it so much better than the people saying you're weird because they wouldn't have had sex with their wives/husbands for decades at that point, lol. Seriously we're only going forward in time so eventually when you reach a certain age people won't even notice. And the only thing that matters is the people close to you so you'll find people who are more open minded which tends to happen as you get older too. and you'll have at least your husband to help you through it.

I didn't have a good life and I've been physically and mentally sick since I was born and I just want somebody to take care of me. I have so many chronic health issues and difficulty going to the Doctor. I don't even think I'll survive to be an old man. I want someone to make me feel safe now. I don't want to give a fuck about how normal it is.