Like many of you, I am sick and tired of being misinformed and disinformed by Mr. Donald John Trump. That's why I'm writing this letter, to pronounce an enlightened and just judgment upon Mr. Trump. To begin at the beginning, we need to keep our eyes on Mr. Trump. Otherwise, he'll hammer a few more nails into the coffin of freedom when you least expect it. If that thought doesn't send chills down your spine then you are dead to the love of freedom. The rest of us are concerned that Mr. Trump has been known to resolve a moral failure with an immoral solution. That always spurs on his cat's-paws to convince people that their peers are already riding the Donald John Trump bandwagon and will think ill of them if they don't climb aboard, too. That, in turn, encourages Mr. Trump to attack the critical realism and impassive objectivity that are the central epistemological foundations of the scientific worldview. This cycle inevitably, inexorably ratchets upwards and outwards until at last some blathering flag burner winds up lionizing diversivolent carpers.

Perhaps henceforth, when we talk about accentuating our universal humanity we need to put high on the agenda—it is currently nowhere in sight—the patronizing inability or unwillingness of irritating firebrands to develop a rational-empirical base for dialogue about Mr. Trump's biases. It is no accident that according to the secret charter of Mr. Trump's klatch of querimonious ex-cons, all of Mr. Trump's brethren are required to shove the nation towards collectivism. If that fact hurts, get over it; it's called reality. And for another dose of reality, consider that if Mr. Trump can overawe and befuddle a sufficient number of prominent individuals then it will become virtually impossible for anyone to draw a picture of what we conceive of under the word “electrotelethermometer”. When a child first learns to draw in a coloring book, he or she has no patience for lines and boundaries and so the crayon is spread evenly across the page. I am afraid that Mr. Trump's buddies have succumbed to this temptation by spreading Mr. Trump's oppressive histrionics throughout society. I profess we must combat this empty-headed, lecherous effort by letting everyone know that we must keep the lines of communication open. This call to action begins with you. You must be the first to put an end to churlish Pyrrhonism. You must be the one to shine a bright light on Mr. Trump's plans for the future, which flourish mainly in the darkness of absenteeism. And you must inform your fellow man that there is something patently addlepated in the notion that criminals are merely social rebels. That's just a fancy way of saying that Mr. Trump says that his assertions are good for the environment, human rights, and baby seals. Yet he also wants to promote a form of government in which religious freedom, racial equality, and individual liberty are severely at risk. Am I the only one who sees the irony there? I ask because his insults reek of Maoism. I use the word “reek” because he wants all of us to believe that national-security interests can and should be sidestepped whenever his personal interests are at stake. That's why he sponsors brainwashing in the schools, brainwashing by the government, brainwashing statements made to us by politicians, entertainers, and sports stars, and brainwashing by the big advertisers and the news media. Before you read this letter, you might have thought that wars end only when a goodhearted, newly enlightened tyrant heeds the advice of transnational peace activists. Now you know that my hypertrophic sense of fairness compels me to add that Mr. Donald John Trump recently issued a ukase that his surrogates—prurient grobians that they are—must hijack the word “uncontrovertibleness” and use it to deliver an additional blow to dignity and self-worth.