I’m sorry about your husband, I can not imagine but your dr is right. Bed wetting at 9 is not ok nor is it normal. She has been potty trained for 6(?) years and you’re just now bringing this up? That’s not ok either. Mentioning her weight in front of her is also to be expected. If/when my son is sick or has any other medical issue he doesn’t wait until I leave to bring it to my attention. My son hates shots but he’ll say right in front of him “he needs 3 shots today....” obesity is no different. It is a medical issue. It needs to be addressed and corrected. As I stated, I am truly sorry for your loss. It must be hard but you’re taking it out on the wrong person.