Hey, I'm sorry if I had assumed too much earlier. Juging from your comment history, you seem like a really nice person and honestly, I think it's just a low self-esteem issue for you. Even though low self-esteem can be a reason for narcissism in some people I don't think you have the latter.

Also, what you said was very relatable. My life's a fucking mess. I don't see the point of studying my ass off and getting a job if at the end, I still might not be able to live alone (I'm a girl living in a country where women are treated poorly) or go anywhere on my own without having a panic attack. On top of that my mom's going through depression which has made her a totally different person. It's hard to see someone you love going through that. She keeps having delusions too. Also,

There have been times when I have tried to hurt myself and that was such a weird phase, lol. Idk, dude. Life is fucking hard for most of us. People say that everyone has it hard. That's just BS. Some of us have it way, way harder than the rest and that's just how things are. It's understandable why we have a hard time trusting people like duh.