Player Problem Megathread

Ok. I’m going to start from the idea that you like this person and want to spend time with them, you just don’t like them in your dnd group? Please tell me if I’ve misunderstood you here.

I would 1) stop playing dnd with them and 2) choose a different activity with them and 3) let them be in charge of their own meals

Let that activity (board games?) be something that’s easy to join and where it doesn’t matter if Person shows up or not.

Ideally, do not host that activity in your own home, but if you have other reasons for preferring to host, find something easy-and-quick you can thro together for Person if they show up last minute, and cook whatever you please for the other people there. Have a conversation with Person about this. “Hey, since I wasn’t sure if you were coming, I made [thing you cannot eat]. We have [easy thing you can eat] if you want?”

Adults can figure out their own food situation. It’s nice of you to make the meals, but Person can figure out that either they tell you if they’re coming, eat the microwaveable just-in-case food or order some Uber eats for themselves.

When telling Person, focus on the thing you WANT to do with them over what you don’t want to do with them.

“Hey, dnd seems like a bad fit right now, but I really want to hang out with you! Could we have board game nights [every other Thursday] instead?”

Make it something fairly regular so it’s easier to plan around it.

A lot of the things you’re annoyed about is work you’re doing for your friend that either goes to waste (if they don’t show up), causes you frustration (fewer options for food because of their dietary needs) or feels unappreciated (when they flake on short notice). Stop doing that work. Start focusing on low key activities where your friend can join you or not and you can still have a good time.

/r/DMAcademy Thread Parent