I've never said it to anyone, because it has always struck me as rote, robotic. Insincere. I don't know what to say, however. "I'm sorry," feels the most authentic to my actual emotional response, but that feels controversial. Hell, everything feels controversial if "Thank you" is controversial. Our veterans are coming home in such bad shape. Devastated, maimed, suicidal. Flammable. We're awestruck in the face of what you shoulder and we're incapable of adequately understanding it. The division between us feels immense. So I say nothing, because I know anything I say can unintentionally wound or offend. Better shut up, don't make it worse.

We're not supposed to connect our feelings about the war to the warrior. We learned that the hard way after Vietnam, when the boys we sent to fight came back as men, many of them broken, and likely most of them bewildered by the anger that greeted them. We unfairly took out our outage on them and blamed them for simply doing what they were told.

And we were outraged. I think a lot (A LOT) of us are outraged now, at an entirely different cast of characters. We're disillusioned and angry, and there's not a damn thing we can do to change what's happened. So all we can do with these empty pockets is say, "Thank you."

Like I said, I don't say it. Which has always made me feel like shit, to be honest. Because I AM grateful, actually. What am I grateful for? For whatever is in you that made you a soldier. For your struggle to get through your training. For leaving your family and your country. For eating shitty food, for being cold, for being tired, for every moment of discomfort you've experienced for me, for all of us. For volunteering so that no one is forced to go. For seeing things, and doing things, and surviving things that changed who you are...that made you cynical, that haunt you, that left you feeling alienated or ruined... things that made you want to grow numb or die. For all the heartbreaking, terrible things we'll never fully understand, that you believe will always make you feel like you're alone no matter where you are or who you're with, with precious few exceptions. "Thank you" doesn't say all of that, those two words aren't enough.

I'm sorry for the way things are. Those two words aren't enough, either. But I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you've been lied to and used, exploited, and inadequately supported now that you're home. I'm sorry you feel isolated and misunderstood. We as a nation were not at all prepared to lie in the bed we made with you guys with respect to these wars. Too many people are coming home with tremendous need and finding that what's available isn't nearly enough. We're angry about that, too, but what can we do? What can we do? Don't say "vote," and don't say "call your congressman" - if those things were effective we wouldn't even need to have this conversation. We care (we really, really do), but we just don't fucking know what to do. So we say "Thank you"...or we say nothing. It's not for the reasons you assume. We're just sorry, and we're overwhelmed by how powerless we truly are, and we don't fucking know what to do.