I do need to focus more on all that he does. I'm a product of a three year emotionally abusive relationship and extreme tumblr use when I was in high school. I saw all of the idealistic things I wanted on tumblr and assumed I wasn't getting treated like I deserved because my boyfriend then was an asshole. Which he was. Extremely emotionally abusive. Real fucked up guy. But when I broke up with him I got a super "you deserve much better" boost. "You deserve all of the love and hopeless romantic shit that you've been seeing online!!" So now I'm all "you deserved to be given flowers to make you smile. You deserve to be scooped up and loved and romantic blah blah blah". And because my current boyfriend doesn't match those unrealistic expectations I know that I have a hard time seeing all that he does do for me. He's pretty quiet and isn't super romantic so I have to trust in his feelings for me more than him showing me. Which doesn't help my healing but I understand that's just how he is. His affection didn't bump up to help my healing, but he did stop talking to her and he did apologize and stuff. I think I've decided to go ahead and make an appointment with my school's therapy. Because I'm tired of being trapped in my mind of overthinking and unrealistic idealistic expectations. I think I'm just disappointing myself. And all the happy couples I see online are just posting that shit because they know that it looks super cute and will get likes. Not because it's necessarily true. I just need my brain to stfu honestly.