You have received a lot of good advice already, but I hope you see this OP. I was distressed by reading your words because this could have been written by me in another life. You sound so similar to me that I was triggered.

I would not diagnose you on internet, but look into C-PTSD. Abusive parents do us a lot of damage and leave us questioning our realities. It is a death by a thousand cuts everyday until you are an empty husk of a person with no joy left in life.

You are intelligent and articulate. You are empathetic and hard-working. You see good in people and you care. You are resilient. You have been through so much in your life already and yet here you are, surviving a life which is not easy.

Trauma changes our brains. We minimize our pain because we do not want to