Can I ask you a serious question? Do you honestly think that your resume would get you a job?
However, you're here seeking advice, which is great. Generally, the point of a CV/Resume is to get you an interview, which means you want to cut out the 'bullshit' and sell your technical skills and relevant professional/interpersonal experience as best possible. So here's my advice:
General advice
Specific feedback
I haven't applied to any companies yet, and isn't it too late now?
It's not too late, and it's better if you improve your CV before applying.