I'm Day 31 CT after a 4 year kratom bender. I'd already quit it in 2016 (after 4 years on codeine) and had a completely sober year 2017. God knows what possessed me, but I got back into it 2018 and that was it for 4 years. I knew I was going to pay for it one day but I just kept going.
Like you, every time I felt a dip in my mood or felt unable to face some event ... I was using it to handle everyday things.
Eventually the whole thing unravelled. I had a torn retina in April that needed urgent surgery (twice). That was stressful. Then the price of k here went way up. Then my supplier ran out. I live in a country where it's illegal and it was a real circus trying to source it.
I just went CT. That was 31 days ago. Feel ok. Bit anxious and tense. I have to do stuff now .... lift weights, breathing exercises, go out for long walks, lots of household chores. All the shit I never did before. I'm 61 ... I can't do drugs anymore lol.
You can do it. If I can, anyone can. Get out of the loop. Work up a sweat. Do something new.
I'm off to the substance misuse clinic now for an Abstinence Meeting. Most folk there are alcoholics .... but that's ok I was an alkie from 1985 -2005. They don't know what kratom is. Lucky bastards LOL. Good luck.