Please, help! My [21F] brother [35M] destroyed my passport and my mother [46F] wants me to dump my boyfriend [23M]

At 21, now's a great time to learn that respect is earned, not something you can demand or be entitled to.

I respect my parents not because they're my parents, but because they're wonderful people who give fantastic advice, support me, give me reality checks when I need it, give unconditional love, and about a hundred other things I could praise them for. In many ways, love and respect can be mutually exclusive, because you can respect someone, but not love them; and you can love someone, but not respect certain things about them. I'm sure you still love your family and feel that strongly, but their actions here do not deserve your respect. See what I'm getting at?

Reading your post, you are not wrong for leaving. You aren't being selfish so much as you're looking out for yourself, which you rightly should, because your family aren't.

They said that if they knew I would act like this, they would have stayed and not moved to Europe because all their hard work is wasted on a selfish person (me).

They're twisting your arm with guilt, and everything they've just said is rubbish. They would have moved anyway. They're trying to make you feel beholden to them over something they have no right to.

Here's a list of advice you should take from this thread:

  1. Move out. Become independent from your family.

  2. Go no contact with your family. This includes deleting them from things like facebook. You may be able to re-establish contact with them in the future, if so inclined, but only after you've achieved financial independence and have had time to set adult boundaries. You are an adult, not a child or even a minor: other people, not even people who have been parental figures to you, can just take your important legal and identification documents and destroy them. I repeat: you are not a child. They do not have the right to do this to you. They do not have that kind of authority over you.

Additionally, I'd recommend going to the police and filing a report. This doesn't mean you have to pursue a civil case against them (the costs may not be worth it, depending on where you live), but it leaves a paper trail in the event that they continue to harass you or try to exert more forceful means to control you once you move out.

  1. Get a new passport and ID. Make sure you have all important documents when you move out, or getting these will be incredibly difficult! Secure them ASAP. And be sure to tell them the truth if they ask what happened to the old passport (in the US, you usually turn in an expired or damaged passport to receive a replacement-- don't know about Europe).
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