It sounds like a difficult situation. But I feel for you 100%. I have worked 12 hour shifts for years before I became physically disabled and living chronic pain. But now my other half is still working to support us both 100%, 12 hour shifts. There are no expectations of me to do a single thing but I do. I try my best and always says appreciates what I can do. I would try approach this delicately, ask her firstly what can you do that would help more, and listen. Try spoil her once a week with something small like a breakfast or a massage. When shopping in the cleaning isle look at smelly things like candles or cleaning sprays, ask her what she likes, it may give her some interest, or feelings of some control. she may feel overwhelmed and not know where to start. You showing interest may encourage her interest. She also maybe missing you more than you know and sad about this, you are away a long time. This maybe trying to get you to show personal effort or attention to her. Try doing one thing before or after each shift. Even dishes or put some clean towels out for her in the bathroom or put the dirty laundry in a basket. Sometimes leading by example can help. BUT, you deserve rest and help also, you don't want to burn out. You deserve a pampering too, bring back the fun and love. A partnership is also about compromise and sacrifice and selfless acts. It can't work one sided. Time can only tell I guess, PTSD is for life so if hers is affecting her activities of daily living she may need counseling. I'm sure your post will rile up the rusty butter knife gang but I wish you all the best. A thought.... Imagine what cleaning you would be doing if she wasn't there, 12 hour shifts or not.