I am Darth Vader and I never feel nervous, or afraid—I must always remain motionless and fearless and yet I felt perplexed by what was occurring in this “Congress” hall. Two days ago—or possibly more depending on how long I was out for—I was visited by a creature, about the size of an ewok who approached me with a proposition. As soon I noticed him, I manipulated the force to strangle this creature but to my amazement, it didn’t work. The creature just laughed at this and explained that he was the “The President of the Omniverse” and how he was gathering a “Congress”—whatever that meant--who would decide the laws of the entire universes. I now regret that I didn’t strangle that pompous beast to death, but his offer of whatever I wanted, including the death of whoever I wanted was tempting.
One day after I was approached by this bastard of a creature, I had a precognition of what would occur at this congress. All I saw was a man with a dark cape. But also of an offer that I could not refuse. What could I not refuse? I have absolutely no idea and I despise not knowing everything.
So, now I find myself sitting in a crowded room full of an assortment of bizarre creatures. For instance, in the row in front of me; I spotted an obnoxious bald yellow man, talking to a young boy with round glasses and a peculiar scar. If it wasn’t for this proposition, I will kill them both out of annoyance. All I could hear from the yellow man’s lips were a constant noise: “D’oh”.
While, sitting next to me was a man, or, at least, I presumed he was a man as he was covered from head-to-toe in black, a lot like myself. But at least, I have a better fashion choice, this man’s clothes were despicable. A mask shaped like a bat? Are you serious? I pause for the second, my cheeks (underneath my mask) started to fluster. Since when have I, the mighty Darth Vader became an expert in clothing. What has this damn congress turned me into?
At that moment, the creature walked onto the stage and jumped onto the podium. He announced himself as the most powerful being in the entire universe. I’m not usually one to be jealous but I should be the most powerful—this being can’t even control the force! He explained how he has the magical capabilities to create and process any command he wants. He then further explained how the wishes of one being in the congress could be granted. Then to my amusement, he calls me to the podium along with the bat-masked man that I was sitting next to.
“Now to decide who’s wish shall be granted you must fight to the death! Just—“ The Omniverse President said joyfully in a squeaky voice, causing many of the audience to cringe. Before the little man could continue his dull speech, I removed my lightsaber and pointed it at the muscular man at the batman; who in turn removed a bat symbol from his belt—which presumably could pierce through a mundane man. But not me of course! The Omniverse President immediately shouted at the top of his voice, for us to stop.
“I was just joking… Anyhow. I meant that you two should have a civilised debate and explain to the congress what you’re deepest dark wish is. Got that?”
My breathing steadily became heavier and filled the silent room. The bat ended the silence.
“To many of you, I am known as Batman. My wish is not a self-fulfilling wish. I’m going to regret this moment, but instead of wishing for my parents to be alive or for me to have a happy life. I wish for the happiness of the town in my universe, know as Gotham. That is all.” A girl with red and black pigtails from the audience laughs and shouts. “We know that’s not what you really want, batsy. C’mon, you two should totally wish for a universe where you two could have a never-ending romance. You have to admit, darthie. You wanna see that black leotard that he wears. Don’t ya!”
Both myself and Batman were silent. Both unsure of what they should say. Once again, Darth Vader’s heavy breathing is the only sound that fills the room.
“No.” booms an anxious Vader. “I do not have a black leotard!” Batman said. “At least, I’m not wearing it now” he added but immediately covered his mouth with his hand.
“I do not like leotards but his mask is beautiful” I admitted. My breathing becomes louder and louder. I did not mean to say that. I do not like this man. What trickery is this? The Omniverse President had remained suspiciously silent so I removed his lightsaber and pointed it towards the man, who was chanting a series of spells. Presumably, his Jedi mind tricks. The Omniverse President grinned and remained silent. He stopped the chanting of spells.
“Oh, C’mon. That was exciting. Who votes that this president-guy should create a universe where Batman and Darth Vader are lovers.” shouted the girl from the audience.
Meh. This isn't what I would normally write and I starting rushing the end part. It also went off-topic a bit. My others responses will be much better. Anyway, thanks for sending.