Political Systems Explained for Dummies

I'll R2 4 U

Feudalism: You have two cows. The lord takes some milk.

Actually, at least in the case of European feudalism, it would be closer to "God owns tons of cows. The Papacy (on behalf of god) gives authority over the use of those cows to a king who then allows lords to manage those cows. The Lords then parcel out cows to different vassles--one of whom is you. At this point you have two cows (both are technically feifs that you don't actually own) who's milk you give to the lord in exchange for protection and further use of the cows. The Lord takes some milk and then gives the rest to the king who pays a sum to the papacy."

Pure Socialism (Wait, WTF?): You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of the cows.

Well, since there is no political ideology called Pure Socialism, I'll assume he is talking the only overarching theme of socialism (democratic management of production and social ownership of capital). It would look more like "No one has cows because they are the means of producing milk. Instead, there is a large group of cows that you and your neighbors take turns milking. The milk is shared between the milkers and all decisions about the arrangement are made by you and your neighbors democratically."

Bureaucratic Socialism (Again, WTF?): You have two cows. he government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex chicken farmers. You look after chickens that the government took from chicken farmers. You get as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.

A few points:

I guess he is talking about a command economy.

Chickens aren't farmed.

He obviously thinks the government is incapable of anything.

Its called rations.

Fascism: You have two cows. he government takes them and hires you to take care of them.

Actually, that's not that far off.

Pure Communism (I swear, If he makes reference to a government.....): You have two cows. You and your neighbors take care of them. You share the milk.

Hey, that's not a terrible description of Marx's idea of Communism.

Russian Communism (Should be Marxism-Leninism but I'll let it slide): You have two cows. You take care of them. The government takes all the milk.

First off, what does he think the Russians are doing with all this damn milk? Does Stalin do laps in a milk swimming pool every morning?

Jeeze, people act like the USSR wasn't trying to deal with a global depression.

The situation in Russia is hard to talk about too because (strait from Lenin himself) they weren't even communist, the NEP was pretty damn capitalist and most of their propaganda said, "On the road to communism." Not, "This is the economic system you have all been waiting for."

Cambodian Communism: You have two cows. The government takes them and shoots you.

Pass on account of it being too stupid to argue with.

Dictatorship (Haven't we already covered this?): You have two cows. The government takes them and drafts you.

Alright, I'm out.

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