Poly and Christian leader. Looking for reading and experience

Paul is not making a justification of monogamy he is advocating stable rather than promiscuous relationships

Polyamory only promises consent from all involved and a proper non-monogamous agreement, it doesn't offer stability. In fact, it is a particularly fluid (unstable) relationship structure, and if stability is a main concern, poly is not it.

Open non-poly relationships and married swingers, who are open for sex only, have much more stable and long lasting relationships than polys have. Especially swingers.

People interested in opening up are generally not aware of these particularities of non-monogamy, but they are quite important.

The poly agreement allows peoples' feelings to develop, which is the whole point of it. But at the same time, NRE for new partners (intense infatuation) introduces a major source of instability into the original couple, which is why poly has such a high turnover rate.

More than 90% of couples opening up to poly will split/ divorce in the next 6 to 24 months. If they survive opening up and remain stable, their outside partners will rarely last longer than a couple of years at a time. This is a major source of frustration for many polys.

While love is infinite, time and other resources are not. Time, attention, money, entanglements, etc. are all finite resources and must be split between multiple partners, which is why people tend to leave these situations when the NRE is over (a couple of years after the relationship began).

For others, the high turnover of poly partners is the reason why poly is attractive. Many are “addicted” to the feeling of NRE for new people, which is something only poly offers without having to break up with a main partner or lead a promiscuous life.

A lot of people who enjoy polyamory over monogamy and other, more casual types of consensual non-monogamy, tend to find the high turnover a major perk of poly.

But if you want STABILITY, you choose swinging.

/r/polyamory Thread Parent