Don't compare yourself to other addicts. No good will come of it. This isn't a game of one-upmanship, it's your life and your health, mental or otherwise. Not to mention your freedom, job, and social standing (if you get caught).

My story has a happier ending than yours, although I'm not quite at the end I suppose, as I'm still here, and still living life (sober) every day. The steps along the way weren't fun, my drug use was not entirely the same as yours, because I was depressed and I wasn't able to control myself. Sure, I could force myself to stay sober for a few days, even a week, if needed. But that entire length of sobriety was excruciatingly painful, and spent thinking about how I was going to get a fix.

Three years ago I got depressed. I'd been a casual drug user for a few years at this point and I had hundreds of pills from my adderall prescription laying around. Of course it's a simplification to say I got depressed, it gradually hit me over time. As that time went on instead of attempting to deal with the depression I started using my adderall to cope. A day would disappear if I took my adderall and got absorbed into video games. It was a day where I wouldn't have to be miserable, to think about miserable things, I could distract myself.

The adderall use grew out of hand. Over the next few years I slowly ramped up from taking my normal dose (40mg), to over 300mg a day. When that ran out (because of course it ran out weeks early every month), I would use coke, street amphetamines, meth, xanax, hydrocodone, anything I could get my hands on.

Eventually, I admitted to myself I was addicted to my adderall. I made the decision to sober up, I told my doctor to quit giving it to me, and I did my best to grit my teeth and sober up.

I did not succeed, some months of xanax use, followed by an impulse purchase (after swearing up and down I would not purchase any more drugs) of some coke and meth, led to me admitting myself to rehab.

I've been sober for about 4 months now. It only took about a month for me to begin to enjoy things that I previously could only enjoy while high. I've slowly started to enjoy life again, embracing sobriety. I have days where I think about this or that, as far as using drugs go. I recently started looking around these communities again, I feel like I'm mentally capable to see and keep up with the drug community without giving in to it.