I'm going to answer quite a few here in one spot, because first I didn't expect this many answers, and I honestly am not going to keep up with all of it. But two, this was one of my fears posting something like this. Kind of the perk but downside of reddit. You can get advice but be torn apart by strangers who do not know you. I debated deleting this post, due to some of the overwhelming lashings I got. Waking up to that certainly has not been a high point in my day. But I figured trying to explain more context should be the better route.
From the comments above I'm now being referred to being entitled. I wrote this upset and nearly crying while trying to be sensible. Which I realize now pissed quite a few off. It was not my intention. So I wanted to write this after sleeping and having my head on a little more straight. Because writing upset/crying, never seems to lead to great results lol.
My life isn't perfect, and if my post came across that way, then that's a misrepresentation. I just know with posts like this, I just wanted to convey that my nesting partners and I relationship was good. But I guess when you leave out the negatives you misrepresent why you look for other partners. Even more I am truly sorry I insulted quite a few or just the dating pool in general. Careful consideration of words I try so hard to describe, but writing isn't always my strong suit. So much can be left out, not respresenting your view well, and trying to boil it down to not a novel of a post is incredibly hard. My English professors would probably be highly upset with me on this response.
As some pointed out I have a lovely relationship with my partner. But no it is not 100% fulfilling. Especially as we get older. There are just some things that are much as we love another we can't fulfill. We have friends too, but that can be different too. I know it's not a requirement to have multiple partners l, and for a long while I was fine just doing my own thing. But after a while this waned on me. Watching my poly friends and my partner be able to find these companions that connect with sometimes on a deeper level left me wanting that. Maybe I'm wrong, but it's deeply human to want that.
I go into poly groups, online, etc never with the intention of "dating"." Well let me rephrase, for the first year I did, but I learned over time this just led to so many mistakes, and a lot of unhappiness. So I tend to go in looking for friends. So overtime this has led me to have a ton of poly friends. A really good friend of mine was able to have a great poly life after watching my partner and I's polycule(again she has the partners. As a bi woman she hasn't had too much of an issue.) So I make friends, and that's wonderful, I wouldn't trade them for the world and I truly believe the best companions start as friends. But in this journey and approach, while making these friends, a connection beyond that never forms. Or my favorite, it's one sided on my end, and I'm rejected(still friends, but viewed as nothing more.)
I am also incredibly sorry for the use of the abysmal. It's not a great word with any positive context attached to it. I understand how I did insult quite a few, again not my intention. So I'll give a little more context. I'm one who doesn't want kids, nor really likes them. So when I say divorced, or in their 50's, this is the common factor that comes along. As I don't want them, it does tend to hinder things. I never want to be a dick, and get too involved knowing that in the end I won't be happy as kids are a huge commitment. I grew up early raising my little brothers, as my parents divorced and quickly left to the other side of the country from one another. This left me watching them, raising them, making sure they get to school etc. This left a mark, and I never wanted kids after that. Not even counting the cost financially over time.
The other aspects, and yes this does come across against, but on quite a few ideas, ideas, culture, I just don't end up connecting well with older generations. That sounds harsh, but it is the truth and I'd be lying otherwise. It's not that I think people in their 50's are terrible, but they tend to have the same mindset as my parents and their friends and on a deeper level it tends to put a link and anything started. I can get along, but dating is a different manner. I'm not trying to give excuses, but more explain my experiences.
Even while looking for friends, quite a few want a fwb or just casual sex, and for a while I went along with that, but ultimately learned I was deeply unhappy with that. So I started being more honest with myself, and setting boundaries. Because if anything I've learned healthy boundaries are damn important. For yourself and others.
Another part I wanted to respond to is what I mean by connection or dates going wrong and what I meant by standards. Finding common ground with someone or finding those things that make conversation lose time. Since poly or at least everywhere I've been us a smaller pool, it's harder to find that. I've asked advice from older polycules and friends, and tends to boil down to either "just stop looking or caring, and accept it." Or just keep doing it, and it will eventually work out."
So again I'm not hunting, and I do make a ton of friends, but overtime it just starts to weigh heavy on me. I watch others with such ease glide from one to another in conversation and I do get jealous of that. I understand what I bring to the table, but understand where I fall short completely. Poly gas taught me a lot about myself, my ideals, my communication, and how I even treat myself, so I wouldn't trade it. But wanting a deeper connection with someone as a companion beyond my nesting partner, I would believe is not a bad thing. Especially when we don't always connect well with some things that are deeply important to me. Like some of the things I do, they are deeply supportive, but they can't understand it one bit. So it leads to either talking with professionals(which is not the same as it's work talk,) or friends where eventually their eyes gloss over too. But I guess I'm wrong for wanting that.
So I'm not trying to insult. I'm really not. I realize with a post it's hard to get everything of who you are, your issue and life experiences in a cincuse post, so it can come across entitled or dickish. If I have insulted anyone here, I am truly sorry. If this didn't cover everything please let me know. I'm more than happy to answer beyond this.
Again I am sorry I came across shitty. Never my intention and realize more I shouldn't write when I'm upset, as it can only lead to misunderstandings.